


An Essay on Hope - by Erik M. Lehnsherr

by orphan_account



Series: Essays [2]
Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 11:37:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15750900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: There is a symmetry. Charles had hoped for something from me, and now it is only logical that I hope for something too.





	An Essay on Hope - by Erik M. Lehnsherr

**Author's Note:**

> Reading the first part is important for the understanding.

Hope is a miserable thing. People will tell that it is important to be hopeful, that it is “beautiful”. But do you know what is common in all the situations where someone has hope?

Their life is missing something.

If you are hoping for something better, it’s because what you have now sucks. More or less.

But…

But hope is inevitable. I know that. And I certainly am not one of those positive people who read self-help books and believe that the world changes for the better. But humans want, and the want precedes hope. Therefore, somewhere in my mind I dream of correcting what I did and being forgiven. And having Charles back where he was just a few days ago - by my side, the place where he should have never left.

I did not look for him - even I know that it is too soon. And honestly? I feel ashamed. I cannot reconcile the person I am with I did. There was a parents meeting in Peter’s school. I said I had a meeting that I could not postpone at work. Magda - Peter’s mother - travels a lot due to her work, so she could no go either. Emma went in my place, and if I were in another situation, I would be worried about what she will want in return for that favor.

I got an email from Charles’ sister. She clearly threatened my life if I ever get close to Charles again. I hope that one day I won’t be deserving of that sort of reaction. I hope that one day I will be able to talk to him again.

I hope that one day my words - and his - won’t haunt me.

“I am at loss of words, Erik. I thought… nevermind. I thought we had the same goals in mind with this… with… us.”

“I want the same thing I wanted seven years ago. Some fun. Come on, Charles, it’s not like we even care that much about each other or anything. But right now I have no time for that, with this new project coming up I have no space in my life for you if you are going to be that needy. Jesus, Charles. The way you’re acting I’d think you spent the last seven years waiting on me to come back.”

There is a symmetry. Charles had hoped for something from me, and now it is only logical that I hope for something too.

There are desires that are just not possible to be realized. For example, I wish I could delete the last seven - eight - years. At the very least, I wish I could take my words back. But time only goes and goes towards the future…

But do you know what is worse?

Knowing that the laws of nature do not restrict your desire, but still being aware that whatever it is that you want could very well be impossible.

There is no gravity, no arrow of time, no law that stops Charles from forgiving me.

And yet…

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'll continue this indefinitely. Next one is already on the making, and it will be one Emma P.O.V., but I've decided to take suggestions. So, tell me one character and the subject about which you'd like to read them talking about. I can't promise that I'll write it, but I'll consider the interesting suggestions.


End file.
